Did you just see the Batmobile???
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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