i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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