im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i barfeds in our rink
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
