At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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