Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
