I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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