he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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