sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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