"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
