it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
