I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We are all done wearing pants today
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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