New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
