And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
