I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
