i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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