Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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