Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
