The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
