But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
