I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
