I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
