i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
