there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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