i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is classic penis vs brain.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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