They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
