The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
