I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
worst night to have a conscience
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
