Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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