That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
