Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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