hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
