so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
