how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
