I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
