I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
