So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
