What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
