I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
