Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
