I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
