I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
