Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
