so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
