gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
