I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
