I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
