they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
