In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
