y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
