yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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