dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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