pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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